


HUNDRED OF BURNED LETTERS AND ONE UNBURNED

by sevabha



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, J-HOPE IS SLIGHTLY MENTIONED, M/M, PLEASE REMOVE JR. FROM FROM JINYOUNGS NAME AO3, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-01 07:33:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14515488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevabha/pseuds/sevabha
Summary: Jinyoung has confessed to Jaebum years ago but ne’er got the answer. After years of pinning after his crush and seeing him happy with some other he thought of stopping everything and move on.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my own written story if it matches with anyone else story then its completely a coincidence. 
> 
> I hope you guys will like it and enjoy it.

PARK JINYOUNG POV

Today I had made a decision that I will stop writing the letters and stop burning them.

            The letters which contained everything about my heart, the love for Im Jaebum( Jerk who hates me), Jealousy for Choi Youngjae( The sunshine to whom even if I want to but can never hate), the hurt I feel when I see both of them together. The dreams which I wanted to complete with Im Jaebum but can never do so after all he has the love of his life.

            I am so tired of waiting for that person to turn around and see that I am in love with him and still waiting for him but he never did, in fact, whenever I tried to get close to him, he pushed me away. Whenever I tried to initiate any kind of skin ship like holding hands, he swiftly pushed my hands away as if my touch burned him. As if he is disgusted by my presence. On camera, it was fine as it was fan service but off camera, he always stayed away from me. He even once yelled at me for sitting so close to him while when it comes to Youngjae he always smiles at him, even initiates the skin ship with him and always responds back to his touches, that is why I am always jealous of Youngjae.

            Why can’t he love me? I was the one who loved Jaebum first. I was the one who was always there for Jaebum in his darkest and hardest times yet I am the one who always got pushed over.

            Yes, I have loved him since the time I laid my eyes on him. It was love at first sight for me.

I even tried to tell him during our JJ Project era but he ignored it after listening and even ignored me for weeks and months. I thought that it was because we have debuted at that time and that may be he is straight but turned out that’s not the case instead it looks likes he never liked me.

            Now, it is enough and I will stop doing everything I have been doing for so long. I am so tired of pretending to be okay when clearly I am not. Just to deal with my feelings which I have been carrying for so long I started writing letters addressed to Jaebum and then burning then every two days of the week by routine ( weird thing is no one ever caught me. Why by routine, I do not know but it is as if I was always particularly very sad on these days.) Each letter contained of the 2jae moments that hurt me the most and to deal with the ever residing hurt of my heart I started writing these letters 3 years ago( when it became too much too handle the hurt), but now I have decided that I will stop. It is getting too much for to see them always smiling and happy together and for me to pretend to be fine.

            Therefore, I have decided that, after burning this last letter, I will go to director room and ask him to take me out of the GOT7 and let me pursue my career as an actor. If he will not allow me to pursue acting career then I will disappear from their life for always to somewhere far where they will not be able to find me. I know my first decision can bring me many haters but that is fine too then pretending to be happy when you are not.

            When I reached the rooftop to burn the letter and reached for the pocket where I have kept the letter it simply was not there. I searched all of the pockets of my hood, pants, shirts but it just was not there and now I am so scared. I am scared for life coz if that letter got into the wrong hands it can ruin all of our careers specially Youngjae and Jaebum which I do not want to. As long as it is I, it is fine but I do not want anything happen to Youngjae and Jaebum, so I tried to search for it. As long as I remember, it was with me during the practice then where did it go.

            So, I ran back down to the ground floor of 8 storey building where our practice room was located, just to see that letter was nowhere to find and neither was Im Jaebum and as long as I am sure he is the who had got the letter and must be reading it somewhere. I had to get to him before he read out the whole letter. I don’t want him to find out about the things I have written in there it could create a much bigger problem between us. He will know everything that I do not want him to know.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Jb reading letter and realising things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be in Jaebum's POV  
> This Chapter is long so Will post it in two parts.  
> Hope I didn't disappoint you.  
> Warning : A little bit of cutting will be mentioned. self harm.

JB's POV:

 

We were resting after 4 hours of continuous practice when I saw Jinyoung (The person I love so much with all of my heart but i am so scared to say anything) skipping out of the room. I saw him go out on the rooftop. How do I know? Well let us just say that I have been following him for long enough to know that he always go to rooftop take some pages out and burn them. I don't know what is in there in those pages but I have always been so curious to know that what could be so secretive that he always burns those pages? What is the secret, which he doesn't want anyone to know? I always follow him, I follow him everywhere he goes to like a stalker that is how much I love him but it looks like he is always in his own world coz he never seemed to notice me. He never knew that I followed him everywhere like fool in love, maybe I am good at hiding or maybe he is just not so much aware of his surroundings to notice me and I think it’s the second one coz I am not so discreet.

            Well, back to the topic. I was playing with Youngjae like usual when I notice him slipping out of the room. Just before completing disappearing from the sight, I saw something fell out from his pocket when he was taking his handkerchief out. Noticing that they were the famous pages (he always burned the pages by routine, I know that coz during the time of me following him, and I never saw him doing the same on any other days). I quickly got up from place and pick those papers up, and went away from the room. I was so curious to see what was in those papers. I went away before Jinyoung could come back to look for his papers.

            I went to the fifth floor to hide in an unused closet room and locked the room from inside. I turned on the flashlight on my phone, as it was very dark in the room. I then took out the pages and started reading them. As I opened them I saw my name on it and it wasn’t some pages instead it was a letter, for me. Now I was nervous to read them, as I don’t know what is written inside these pages. But I had to know so I started reading them.

**_“28-04-18_ **

**_My one and only love Im Jaebum,_ **

**_Jaebum-ah! Bumah! Bummie! Ah how much I want to call you by these names but I know I don’t have any right to. Only Youngjae can call you by these names”_ **

What the hell is he saying? Why can’t he call me by those names? In fact, only he can call me by these names. I only want him to call me by these names. Moreover, why the hell should Youngjae be the one to call me by these names? I am his hyung for god sake, he can’t call me by my name.

            **_“Jaebum-ah! You know I love you right. You remember that I confessed to you years ago, yet you never answered me back. I was so confused when you didn’t answer me. Was it because you heard that I am gay and you felt disgusted by me. Now, I think about it that must have been the reason. You must have felt disgusted by me that’s why you stopped talking to me at that time. You still don’t talk to me anyway, leave the talk out, you don’t even look at me properly. You must have hated me with all your heart that’s why you can’t stand me right? Am I that hateful Jaebum-ah that you can’t even look at my face?”_**

OH MY GOD! He felt this way all this time? He thought that I hated him just because I didn’t answer him back at that time. I am so stupid (A/N: _that you are jaebum-ah. Stupid for Jinyoung’s love_ ) I should have said something, but I was confused back then. I was so confused coz I did have feelings for him but I was not ready to believe that I like a boy. I neglected his question for a long time and used to avoid him just because of it but that ignorance has led him to believe that I am disgusted by him and hate him, which is not true.

            I don’t hate him, in fact I love him so much that sometimes I feel like that if I never saw him again I would not able to live and die instantly. I need him near me, I need to feel that he is somewhere near for me to breathe properly. He works like oxygen to me. Even now, I am feeling like without him in my arms, I am just breathing to survive daily, but I don’t hate him. I can never hate him.

            **_“You don’t have to give me the answer anymore. I know your answer now. I know that you’re bisexual and you don’t like me. You made it clear just being together with Youngjae. I know you love him, but don’t you think you are being too cruel to me. I get that you don’t love me but can you not do those lovey dovey actions with Youngjae in front of me. I get hurt too you know, after all I am a human or both of you just love doing that in front of me so that you can rub it on my face and tell me that you can never be mine._**

**_I will be honest to you that yes seeing you both together always smiling and happy hurts me a lot but I also don’t want you to sad and unhappy coz you deserve happiness”_ **

            By now, tears were flowing from my eyes. The more I read letter the more I can feel his pain and hurt. Now, it got me to think that staying away from him has only made cruel in his eyes. I knew that he loved but what I didn’t know was he still loves me. If I had known, I would have made a move but after that time, he never said it again and never tried to tell me. Just to divert my mind from Jinyoung, I started talking to Youngjae. He is a ball of sunshine. Even if you are sad you can be happy around him, forget all your problems for a little while. Believe me I never knew that I could hurt him this way. I am scared of reading ahead; I don’t know what else I will get to know.

            **_“ Bummie do you remember all those time where we had to play paper passing game and 10 minutes challenge game. I was so happy to know that I have to share those moments with you. Even though those were onscreen moments and not real still they gave me enough strength to survive all this time without going crazy. I am thankful to you for all those onscreen moments you did with me for fan service. Even though it was fan servicing for you, but for me they are very precious moments. Do you remember you once yelled at me because I sat so close to you? I was hurt that day. That was also the first time when I decided to cut myself for the first time. In addition, guess what I didn’t even felt any kind of physical pain because the emotional pain was too much to handle. Then little by little it became a habit.”_**

I can’t handle it anymore. I don’t deserve him. I deserve to die. How can I not know that all this time he was suffering and the reason is I? I don’t know how to make it up to him. I want him to be happy and want to give him the world. Am I even qualified enough to do that?

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not forget to comment if you loved it.  
> also do tell what do you think will happen next?  
> PS: I don't support suicide attempts. It's just for story.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment how was it and what do you expect to happen next?  
> Some comment will be appreciated a lot so that it can keep me motivated.  
> If there are any grammar mistakes please feel free to spell out.  
> Leave kudos.. ;)


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